To Post or Not to Post

In the past couple of weeks, the tension in the US has gone up a few notches. The combination of increasing covid cases and the election frenzy has made things even crazier than usual. I’ve felt like hibernating more than usual, and I’ve been consuming way too many news stories for my mental health. To get me out of this rut, I met up with another American expat last week. We met about three weeks after landing in New Zealand, and though we don’t see each other all that often, I really enjoy her company and perspective on things. Our lunch was supposed to be a casual catch-up, but we inevitably went down the rabbit hole of how strange it is to be living in New Zealand, watching the United States, and struggling with how we feel about it. She confirmed that I wasn’t alone feeling both a part of the US, and undeniably excluded from it.

It’s gotten to the point where I’m not sure how much of my life in New Zealand I can share with people in the US. I often feel like I have survivors guilt. Like I’m not allowed to enjoy my life and the freedoms we have in New Zealand because so many people I know can’t do the things we’re doing without fear of covid. Or they think that sharing is another form of gloating. I first felt this intensely a few weeks ago when my kids were getting dressed up in book character costumes to participate in Book Week. Could I share a school event when so many people in the US are either struggling with school via Zoom, doing partial days, or experiencing a very different school year that doesn’t include activities like book parades?

We recently saw Mary Poppins at the Civic Theatre and I wasn’t sure what type of response I would get if I posted pictures on Facebook. Would it be interpreted as bragging that we have the option to go see musicals? I ended up posting a couple of pictures, and most of the responses I got were things like “do you have a guest bedroom that I can have after the election?” Though there were a lot fewer comments and likes than a normal post.

This is not an expat problem I anticipated when we moved in 2018 and I’m struggling on how to proceed. On the one hand, social media is a really easy way to communicate with a lot of friends and family all at once. I enjoy seeing what people are doing, and I want to share what’s going on with us. I rely on this mode of communication to stay connected with people. When we travelled back to the United States in January, it was wonderful to be able to pick up with friends because I knew what they were up to, and they knew what was going on with us.

However, I want to be sensitive to the fact that our day-to-day lives are normal. The kids go to school and participate in after school activities. We’re able to meet up with friends without masks. There are concerts and musicals and Diwali celebrations. So I’m looking for feedback from people living somewhere affected by covid: Do you find it difficult to see what’s going on in New Zealand? Is it triggering or a mental escape? Don’t feel that you need to post a public comment, but I’d love an email if you could share your perspective. Thank you!