Two Year Anniversary
Two years ago my family stumbled off of an Air New Zealand flight in Auckland to begin our journey as Kiwis. At the time, we thought we were going to be here for the US summer/NZ winter, but within a couple of weeks it became clear that we weren’t going back. That seems like several lifetimes ago as there have been Before New Zealand, Immediately After Landing Total Confusion, The Slump, and the Present. (And to be fair, I almost think that Present should be divided into pre- and post- coronavirus.) I’m not terribly sentimental about anniversaries in general, but I thought it made sense to take a few minutes to reflect on our move.
The Good
Global pandemic response - I mean, this one is kind of obvious now, but it wasn’t on our radar when we decided to make the move. To be fair, we were concerned about other types of disasters, like the US entering another military conflict, persistently escalating gun violence, especially in schools, and the effects of an increasingly polarised America. But global pandemic? Never even thought about it. New Zealand excelled at beating back coronavirus, and while we’re not out of the woods yet - as evidenced by the two UK nationals who imported covid-19 back into New Zealand this week - life is pretty much back to normal. New Zealand is back playing rugby. Schools are up and running. There’s no requirement for social distancing or mask wearing. We have the luxury of living a relatively normal life while the rest of the world is living in limbo.
Community - Nine months ago, this would’ve been in the Bad list. During The Slump, or that point on the happiness curve between 6 and 12 months after the move, we felt very isolated and hadn’t made many meaningful friendships. It didn’t help that we were in an AirBnb for 4 months, followed by a rental, and then moved again 10 months later. Once we moved into a house more permanently and felt more settled, our community blossomed, and Kiwis are the friendliest group EVER. Making a small effort to get to know our neighbors, invite them over for dinner, and connect with them has made a huge difference. Also, friendships just take time. We didn’t have enough of it under our belts until recently.
Relaxed Lifestyle - This was one of the greatest attractors to New Zealand before we moved and remains one of the things I love most about this country. People are unfluffed by most things and use a common sense and empathy filter to approach the world. Your kids are acting a little crazy in a restaurant? No problem - here’s a box of toys to entertain them. Your husband broke his finger and needs three months of doctor’s appointments to make sure he doesn’t look like a disfigured ogre? Not to worry - that’s all covered by ACC so go to all of those therapy appointments without stressing about the cost. You want to spend time walking along the beach and drinking a delicious cup of coffee every single day? Sounds great! Enjoy this huge boardwalk that will take you for miles and there are lots of cafes to stop at along the way.
An understanding that people need time to chill out permeates all aspects of life. Kids aren’t overwhelmed at school. My kids have maybe 10 minutes of homework a night and they don’t have the pressure of grades or standardised tests yet. People are expected to take time off to enjoy a vacation and spend time with family. Planning a holiday is practically a national sport, even if it is something as simple as driving to a bach for a long weekend. And that time around Christmas through January is an understood down time. Don’t expect an immediate return to your phone call or be surprised by an out of office reply that puts a return date weeks away.
The Bad
Distance - New Zealand is far away from the US (duh) and this presents its own challenges. My husband does a lot of business in the US, and it can be difficult scheduling calls back in the States for a mutually suitable time. He also misses things that fly through email in the American morning because it is the middle of the night for us. There have been times when he’s been up at 4:30 in the morning on conference calls. The distance also makes it a production to go back to the US for business or social visits. While Jon went back and forth quite a lot pre- coronavirus, the kids and I have only gone back once. And right now, the option to go back is limited by border restrictions and quarantine measures. This is especially difficult because my father-in-law is now in hospice care. If he passes, the whole family won’t go back for a funeral, and its possible that not even my husband will go. That will be crushing for him.
Shopping - The shopping in New Zealand requires a completely different skill set than in the United States. In the US during our Before New Zealand life, I researched all of the different options for any given product (say, kids underwear) and after painstakingly evaluating all of my choices, I’d make a purchase. I had a choice between going to a store to pick it up in person, or having an item delivered in a day or two. In New Zealand, my strategy has changed. I find the one or two items available, then do research on when and where to buy. Is it best to wait for a sale that happens a certain time of year? Is it cheaper to order from overseas and pay for shipping? And does that still apply even after the overseas shopping changes of 2019? Have I planned this purchase far enough ahead of time that I have time to wait for a delivery? It’s a totally different mindset and making that mental switch has been HARD, especially because one of my roles within our family is to do things like procure underwear, presents for birthday parties, winter coats, etc.
Is New Zealand perfect? No, it is not. There were times during the past two years when it was very, very tempting to throw in the towel, pack up, and head back to the US. However, we made a family pact that we were going to stick it out for two years before discussing repatriation. I’m glad we had that line set during the hard times. It let me feel that there was an end date and I could get through this even though I was frequently confused and lost during the Immediately After Landing Total Confusion and The Slump lives. Now that I have a little more perspective and understanding, I’m glad we took the leap and made the move. Now that we’re at the two year mark, there’s no discussion about returning. We’re staying in New Zealand.
